Bench Brothers Productions proudly presents the re-release of
the original 1999 Matt Magness classic:
See THE DICK Crash!
This BMX Epic deserves a proper introduction. Around 1998 or
'99 a young Mr. Matt Magness took it upon himself to utilize
the University of Texas server's to better the cyber world of
BMX. Back in 1999, the 9th St. scene was blowing up and the
internet was barely on it's way to becoming the MYSpace mega
mall we know today. Magness is one of my younger role models.
A true texan, a trail digger, a computer science genius, idiot
savante. His untainted innocence of pure verbal sarcasism and
wit made heckling at 9th what it is today. Intelligent, precise,
unwavering. Tom Williams is the only other person I know with
such journalistic talent.
Comical audacity, Magness pushed buttons you never knew you
had. At one point, he pissed Noodles off enough to literally
kick him out of a treehouse.
Sucker-Punch Ghost Ride, this is
one of the ultimate BMX attack moves. You would have to be pretty
mad to do this to someone. Magness made TWHIP this mad just
by talking shit to him on his homemade 9th st message board.
Their board battle went on for weeks with unanswered threats.
Until one day, Magness is sitting on the bench reading a newspaper.
TWHIP rolls up and BAM! Sucker-Punch Ghost Ride!!! A squirrel
scuffle ensued and lil' Kooky Keith landed the few of the
first blows of his wrasslin career. Soon after that TWHIP disappeared
for a while and Magness left for Law school in HTX.
Point in case, Matt was great and helped shape 9th st. He started the
9th street BMX message board, which inspired me to create the 9th Street BMX website soon thereafter.
Matt brought saltiness at 9th to a new level!
And that kid The Dick, he's just another out
of town grom that showed up and shut himself down. And yes he
would seriously cry, whimper, and sob outloud each time he got
hurt or upset.
(Sadly the photos accompanying this story have been lost)
Presenting: "See THE DICK Crash!" (A true 9th St. story)
See The Dick dig.
Wait, The Dick doesn't dig.
See The Dick ride.
The Dick does ride.
Ride The Dick, ride!
See The Dick crash.
"Oh, it hurts," says The Dick.
doesn't it, The Dick?.
See the crowd gather.
"What's wrong with The Dick?" say the
"Maybe his problem is that he doesn't dig enough" says
The Salty Local.
"Oh, it hurts, it hurts" says The Dick.
Why doesn't The Dick
get up and walk it off?
Perhaps because The Dick is a pussy.
Whine The Dick, whine!
See The Guy With His Hands On His Hips.
"I'll help you, The
Dick," he says.
"I'll help you by standing here like a fucking
moron with my hands on my hips," he says.
"Just let me lay here," says The Dick.
"I won't move out of
the way until I'm done crying," he says.
See The Hardcore Underground Pro Rider Guy.
"The Dick is such
a pussy" says The Hardcore Underground Pro Rider Guy.
I'll just sit here like the comatose dipshit I am," he says.
"Dur dur dur," mumbles The Dipshit.
"I'll just lay here a little bit longer," says The Dick.
The Dick whine some more.
Will The Dick ever stop whining?
See The Stupid Kid.
"Uh, I don't know what to do!" says The
We're not surprised, The Stupid Kid. "Uh, uhhh..."
says The Stupid Kid.
See The Dick finally pull himself up.
"I'll never ride dirt
again," says The Dick.
Way to give up, The Dick.
Way to give
"Does this mean I won't ever have to see The Dick here again?"
says The Local Prick.
Don't count on it, The Local Prick.
Dick will never go away.
He will still come pose on the log
every day. "damned The Dick," says The Local Prick.
else for me to bitch to everyone about," says The Local Prick.
Why don't you go away too, The Local Prick?
See y'all soon. Take care of the trails and yourselves.
Love, Redd and Pecos 1/18/2006