January 2006

Bench Brothers Productions proudly presents the re-release of the original 1999 Matt Magness classic:

See THE DICK Crash!

This BMX Epic deserves a proper introduction. Around 1998 or '99 a young Mr. Matt Magness took it upon himself to utilize the University of Texas server's to better the cyber world of BMX. Back in 1999, the 9th St. scene was blowing up and the internet was barely on it's way to becoming the MYSpace mega mall we know today. Magness is one of my younger role models. A true texan, a trail digger, a computer science genius, idiot savante. His untainted innocence of pure verbal sarcasism and wit made heckling at 9th what it is today. Intelligent, precise, unwavering. Tom Williams is the only other person I know with such journalistic talent. Comical audacity, Magness pushed buttons you never knew you had. At one point, he pissed Noodles off enough to literally kick him out of a treehouse.

Sucker-Punch Ghost Ride, this is one of the ultimate BMX attack moves. You would have to be pretty mad to do this to someone. Magness made TWHIP this mad just by talking shit to him on his homemade 9th st message board. Their board battle went on for weeks with unanswered threats. Until one day, Magness is sitting on the bench reading a newspaper. TWHIP rolls up and BAM! Sucker-Punch Ghost Ride!!! A squirrel scuffle ensued and lil' Kooky Keith landed the few of the first blows of his wrasslin career. Soon after that TWHIP disappeared for a while and Magness left for Law school in HTX.

Point in case, Matt was great and helped shape 9th st. He started the 9th street BMX message board, which inspired me to create the 9th Street BMX website soon thereafter. Matt brought saltiness at 9th to a new level!

And that kid The Dick, he's just another out of town grom that showed up and shut himself down. And yes he would seriously cry, whimper, and sob outloud each time he got hurt or upset.

(Sadly the photos accompanying this story have been lost)

Presenting: "See THE DICK Crash!" (A true 9th St. story)

See The Dick dig.
Wait, The Dick doesn't dig.
See The Dick ride.
The Dick does ride.
Ride The Dick, ride!

See The Dick crash.
"Oh, it hurts," says The Dick.
Karma sucks, doesn't it, The Dick?.

See the crowd gather.
"What's wrong with The Dick?" say the people.
"Maybe his problem is that he doesn't dig enough" says The Salty Local.

"Oh, it hurts, it hurts" says The Dick.
Why doesn't The Dick get up and walk it off?
Perhaps because The Dick is a pussy.
Whine The Dick, whine!

See The Guy With His Hands On His Hips.
"I'll help you, The Dick," he says.
"I'll help you by standing here like a fucking moron with my hands on my hips," he says.

"Just let me lay here," says The Dick.
"I won't move out of the way until I'm done crying," he says.

See The Hardcore Underground Pro Rider Guy.
"The Dick is such a pussy" says The Hardcore Underground Pro Rider Guy.
"I guess I'll just sit here like the comatose dipshit I am," he says.
"Dur dur dur," mumbles The Dipshit.

"I'll just lay here a little bit longer," says The Dick.
See The Dick whine some more.
Will The Dick ever stop whining?

See The Stupid Kid.
"Uh, I don't know what to do!" says The Stupid Kid.
We're not surprised, The Stupid Kid. "Uh, uhhh..." says The Stupid Kid.

See The Dick finally pull himself up.
"I'll never ride dirt again," says The Dick.
Way to give up, The Dick.
Way to give up.

"Does this mean I won't ever have to see The Dick here again?" says The Local Prick.
Don't count on it, The Local Prick.
The Dick will never go away.
He will still come pose on the log every day. "damned The Dick," says The Local Prick.
"Just something else for me to bitch to everyone about," says The Local Prick.
Why don't you go away too, The Local Prick?


See y'all soon. Take care of the trails and yourselves.
Love, Redd and Pecos 1/18/2006