Perhaps I am the chosen one.

Tuesday I went to check out the trails in Combine.
While I was riding I did a table top and my bar got
caught in my shirt. Instead of getting impaled threw
the heart, I managed to grind my side on the ground
until I hit my head on a tree. Shortly after the
initial cranial blow the Trail God, in his all mighty
illustriousness, appeared in front of me. He said,
"Son, I will grant you with your first divine power. I
shall give you the knowledge to formulate the question
once only thought of as the ultimate question to
God...I mean me...How many hours a man has dug." My
sacred entity...you digging fuck...my son, take forth
this new knowledge and run like fire, flow like water,
throw the seeds high into the jet stream, let every
man know of his place on Earth, and let the masters
rule the trail kingdom once again and for all
eternity." "But why me", I exclaimed! "Because you are
the chosen one.” “Hitting your head upon this tree has
scared the squirrel that lives upon it, only when the
squirrel is truly scared will I ever appear to
reassure my guidance."

Now I will pass on my divine knowledge to the only
trail builders in my email list. 

For hard to calculate hours, multiply the average
number of hours a week digging.(consider seasons of no
digging). Multiply that based of how many seasons,
years, or hours dug at EACH trail spot you have
diggned and diggith.

In total, I dug the most at my Desoto jumps, a little
less at 360, and a little bit less in Combine, way
less at Brown, even less at BeerCreek, less at 9th
street, less at Jeremy’s, less in my old backyard,
less at Kroger’s, and only a few hours in D*****,
maybe an hour in Garland, and minuets in west Texas.
The lesser amount of digging the more accurate you can
be... For me, calculating the number of hours of
digging at 9th street is simple and therefore more
accurate. I’ve accumulated almost exactly 20 hours at
9th street based on my calculations.

I have come up with a rough 422.5+ hours of digging
hours under my belt. Guaranteed, no less than that. It
could be much more though. I’ve gone on numerous 20hr+
psychotic weekend digging rampages that have been
etched into my every day conscience.

Now tally your calculations, this may take time.
Figure your role in the Trail Gods kingdom and find
your place in the servings you have accumulated
amongst fellow and foreign trail brothers of this clay
laden terrestrial sphere.

Now it is up to you to pass on the knowledge to
others.

Do not use a calculator, the hands in wich you work
your magic will supply you with with everything you
need.