Last weekend I was riding by bike at BeerCreek and I
made a mistake. I attempted to eject from my bicycle
when my leg became trapped in my frame. I flew threw
the air like a helicopter that had just been hit by a
surface to air missile in Iraq. My shit was going
down. When I crash landed, instead of my back peg
digging a blood well in the back of my head, it
narrowly missed. I came out virtually unharmed, but in
the seconds after the final blow with the Earths
crust, the Trail God, in his almighty illustriousness,
spoke to me once again. He said, “Son, you crashing, I
mean digging entity fuck, I am here to grant you with
your second divine power.” “Now you will make finding
places to dig easy for every one so I can concour this
region once again…. I mean, A-GAIINE!!!” “But I can’t
possibly undertake such a task”, I exclaimed. “Do it,
or I will summon the poison Ivy God upon you fucking
ass hole kid.” “Yes sir”, I said, as he vanished back
into the dirt.
So, here it is.

I am currently in the process of creating the worlds
first Official Pending BMX Trail Location Evaluation
Directory File Database. This vastly complex database
assists people in determining how good a location is
for building and riding bmx trails upon. In addition
to hands on field work, the Official Pending BMX Trail
Location Evaluation Directory File Database supplies
its user with up to date technologically advanced
online resources such as direct links to, aerial
images, topographic maps, appraisal district maps,
local population and citizen traffic information,
weather almanac’s and percentage graphs, wildlife and
vegetation density numbers, seismic history charts,
flight path diagrams, latitude and longitude
calculators, height above sea level determiners,
future development proposal maps, pollution
percentages, subterranean gas, sewage, water, electric
and fiber optic cable maps,  links to the general
history of a specific area, railroad maps, estimated
ancient Indian burial ground maps, crime rate
information, school location map, parks and
recreation, as well as state wild life refuge
information, average elapsed time between forest fires
in specific locations, river, stream, tributary,
drainage, dam, lake, pond, ocean, sea, spring, geyser,
and water fall maps, volcanic history information, the
local populations drug use estimates and diagrams,
clay and sand deposit maps, tectonic plate ridge and
convection zone maps, localized erosion factor
diagrams, poison plant maps, water quality index
charts, squirrel breeding location maps and safety
tips, poison snake and insect maps, Africanized killer
bee migratoryial maps, convenience store locator, as
well as many other valuable resources that you will
find in the Official Pending BMX Trail Location
Evaluation Directory File Database.

To assist the user of the Official Pending BMX Trail
Location Evaluation Directory File Database in their
personal decisions, a hands on field work section is
included.  The field evaluation section of the
Official Pending BMX Trail Location Evaluation
Directory File Database assists its user in
determining what is called the “Trailometer Number”.
The Trailometer Number gives its user a scale that
assists in determining how good a location will be for
them personally. The Trailometer has 11 categories
that the user can fill out when exploring their
desired location. Examples of the simple self
information gathering portion are, how good the dirt
looks, thickness of vegetation, and weather of not
they think their location is a reasonable distance to
their home. These 11 categories are graded on a scale
from 0 to 5, with 5 being the absolute best, and 0
being totally unacceptable. At the end of the 11
categories, the user then adds up the numbers. The
higher the number, the more the user will enjoy their
location. When comparing your Trailometer Number to
several other Trailometer Numbers, the decision
process eases. As an added bonus, the Trailometer
Number can be calculated on land that all ready has
trails on it! This can tell you how good your land and
trails are, and hopefully inspire you to make
improvements.

There are a number of legal issues regarding the
gathering of information and documentation of land.
These possible trail locations could be located on
some ones property, but with the use of the Official
Pending BMX Trail Location Evaluation Directory File
Database tools, the individual user cannot possibly
unknowingly illegally trespass.  The Official Pending
BMX Trail Location Evaluation Directory File Database
is not responsible for anyone’s actions regarding
exploring land and the possible health hazards of
doing so. The Official Pending BMX Trail Location
Evaluation Directory File Database does not condone
and will not be held accountable for anyone’s miss
judgments. If a wolf eats your face off on the land
the Official Pending BMX Trail Location Evaluation
Directory File Database suggested, The Official
Pending BMX Trail Location Evaluation Directory File
Database will not cater to your medical attention,
financial needs, or life time or psychological trauma.
The Official Pending BMX Trail Location Evaluation
Directory File Database is not a guide, manual, or
how-to. It is simply a tool that eases people’s
searches, and in doing so makes them more
knowledgeable, and in the long run safer.

Turner Collie is still designing the Official Pending
BMX Trail Location Evaluation Directory File Database.
 If you have any questions regarding any of the
information above, feel free to contact me at
renrutcollie@yahoo.com, or attempt to contact the
Trail God.- he has declined to supply contact
information